The maid of honor just puked.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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