Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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