I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
