it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
