There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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