haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
