And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
