my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
