margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
