I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
