I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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