Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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