I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
