so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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