I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
