I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
