I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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