i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
