omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
