Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
