In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize