There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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