dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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