I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
