sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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