When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
