Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
