I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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