Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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