My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
