I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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