Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
