How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize