the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
