He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
