Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
