3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
