I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
