Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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