I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
