So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
