fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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