my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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