I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
