it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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