Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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