i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
