I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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