It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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