I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
