we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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