just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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