i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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