If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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