You work out of a Hotel?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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