chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
