: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
