Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
