My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
