I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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