im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love having hate sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
