i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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