I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
