I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
