Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
