We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
