When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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