is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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