don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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