sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
3 2 1 whiskey
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
