I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
