I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
