that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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