I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
